What is Marriage

My Loveless Marriage

Why divorce wasn't the answer to my emptiness.

http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2006/january/14.46.html

After ten years of marriage, I wanted out. Our love hadn't died in the heat of this battle or any other battle. It had died at the bottom of a wall it couldn't climb.

I remember clearly the day I laid the first brick. We'd been married nine months. We went to a movie and I waited for Larry to reach over and take my hand, thus proving the magic was still there. But he didn't and, as the movie progressed, I grew hurt and angry. He shrugged it off, surprised I was upset over such a little thing. To him it was nothing; to me it was the first sign our love wasn't perfect.

As the years passed, I added more bricks. When we were first married, he called me every day from work. But slowly those phone calls grew further apart and finally stopped. When I brought it up, he started calling again, but it wasn't the same. When we watched TV in the evening, he'd fall asleep. When we went out for dinner, he couldn't think of anything to say. His days off were measured by how much he got done—chores, work, and the children took priority. I got the crumbs, and I was starving.

I felt guilty for feeling the way I did; he wasn't abusive, he didn't run around with other women, he didn't drink or do drugs. He came home every night and worked hard to support our family. Despite this, the wall grew, built with bricks of buried anger, unmet needs, silences, and cold shoulders. The marriage books we read made things worse; counseling confused the issues.

My Response
Thanks so much for being truthful, humble enough and obedient to God. Marriage is work and prayer. What I don't understand is why most times it is the wife to give in and change then the husband begins to change. This is a mystery God only knows. Marriage is not a quick fix, it is a give and take which has no written or mathematical formula. It is submission to one another, yet one has to start it. More important is to take your marriage to God and lay it all bare beginning with you. This is not easy and takes time. I am glad that God changed you in ways so profound that Larry was able to see it and also changed. It is amazing that you can now laugh at what used to annoy you. Friends for life which came with submission on your side to God  and asking Him into it. Many times men and women get married without knowing what true love is, giving of oneself to the other, selfless love. And without putting God in the center. God who knows the other person is the one who can unlock the love.